The Oreo Ordeal

Everyone loves a good Oreo. There’s nothing like taking a good bite of that perfectly balanced chocolate cookie and sweet Stuf. But recently, Oreo-fans have been biting off a little more than they can chew. The company recently released a new “Mystery” flavor, challenging fans to decipher what they flavored the treat. Correct-guessers are pooled together for a chance to win a prize, grand winners receiving a sum of money exceeding $1,000. Those who have tried the cookie describe it as having a sweet and spicy flavor with a kick. While most seem to enjoy to new flavor, the marketing choice has opened up a can of worms that even Oreo representatives can’t have fathomed.

Contrary to the fact that there’s only a few hundred dollars in the balance, people have been getting extraordinarily riled up about which flavor is correct. Fist-fights have been reported across the country in locations ranging from high schools to McDonald’s bathrooms. Factions reminiscent of the Hunger Games trilogy have risen up, titling themselves after their guess for the competition. Among the groups are ‘Sweet and Sour Chicken,’ ‘Buffalo Wrap,’ and ‘Red Hots.’ While most teams keep on the down-low, some openly fight other teams in an attempt to bring them down and prove their guess is superior.

“We’re getting attacked on all sides,” ‘Flaming Cheeto’ representative Nathan Tawallis told Onion Corner. “It’s getting really heated out there, both on the turf and on our tastebuds. Everyone’s denying the fact that it’s a Cheeto, but if you’re really in tune with your mouth, you’ll be able to pick out that distinct Cheeto aftertaste.”

Last week, Oreo went public, stating, “Everyone needs to calm down. It’s not even that much money.” It seemed to have no effect on the battle as it continues to wage across the globe. Having the company make an official release of the flavor seems to be the most simple solution to end this bloodshed, but things aren’t that simple. Executives believe that releasing the truth might only increase the amount of tension as the winners revel in their victory and the losers become even more resentful than they are already. It’s a tentative situation that must be handled with the most extreme care.

Oreo has since removed all “Mystery” flavored cookies from the shelves, but nothing seems to slow down this cookie catastrophe. Onion Corner will be updating as new information becomes available.