Whether it be romantically or platonically, the crave for connection is embedded in human nature. Without it, you may teleport to an island — isolated and alone. No matter where you look, there is no way to leave and no one to help you. And sometimes, there’s nothing you can do except wait for the period of loneliness to end; wait to be let off the island. But in this waiting period the “What Ifs” reside. What if I’m trapped on the island forever? What if the loneliness lingers? You begin to feel hopeless. You ask yourself, Did I do something wrong? And what if the loneliness does linger? What are you supposed to do if, no matter what, a part of you is always lonely?
When I moved across the state, I found myself asking the same questions. At a new school, a new house, a new town, (all during the middle of the school year) made breaking into the already formed groups feel impossible — even if I wasn’t incredibly shy. Day after day, I’d feel pitiful stares from teachers trying to help me grow my social circle. When I found myself in this position with nothing I could do, and no one I could turn to, I returned to that island.
In returning to this island, I discovered that the best thing to do is to embrace the island. Don’t fight against the currents of loneliness, learn from them. Find power in being alone; find power in being the only one on the island. Embracing the alone does not mean isolating yourself from others. It means being strong enough to handle being by yourself, and eventually becoming comfortable with who you are. To begin, you must first enjoy time alone. What seems scary now will become relaxing and eventually freeing. Instead of fearing the darkness of night, the darkness that haunts your mind, take a moment to enjoy the stars. Notice things you don’t typically deem important, things you tend to look over. By taking a moment to enjoy the way the wind blows through the trees, and how the sand feels on your feet, you can begin to ground yourself. If you let the whirlwind of emotions cloud your judgement, you’ll never be able to enjoy the sun. You’ll spend more time on the island than you do off, further isolating yourself from your loved ones. The island will become all consuming, the sky and the sea blending into a vast pool of darkness.
This darkness originates from feelings of disconnect, despair, and insecurity. It creates an unbreachable barrier between each and every one of us, in turn originating loneliness. As the dark of night descends upon the island, the vast ocean grows darker as well. Self-pity does not make the sky any brighter or the darkness any less scary, just as wallowing in sadness does nothing but give loneliness more power than it deserves.
Eventually, I became tired of being stuck on the island, and I decided to search for a way off. I began to talk to people, and with each conversation, the island became more a piece of my past. Because I mustered up the courage to leave the island, I was able to make connections and find my best friend. Loneliness is not a constant; as long as you persevere, there is always a way out.
However, the way out is not without its challenges. Though you may choose to swim away from the island, it is important to remember that even the best of swimmers run out of stamina. This can often happen due to strain: for example, if a strain is placed on a relationship. The disconnect, isolation, and despair return, causing you to drown in the sea. In order to save yourself, you must return to the island. However, as you return, find solace in the emptiness. Breathe as you process the situation away from others. Remember not to fear the darkness, but instead to seek the stars. And when you accept the events, try to swim again.
Just because you are alone does not mean you must be lonely. Being alone is a physical state, while being lonely is a feeling – a mental battle stemming from disconnection. It is the idea of perpetual disconnection, of never finding your people, that makes being alone so terrifying. However, being comfortable alone, finding things that make you happy and confident in yourself, will overpower loneliness. They don’t completely cause the island to disappear – nothing will. But not fearing the island? That’s more than enough.
